Feeding The Habit

"I will go in this Way, Oh but I will find my own way out." -Dave Matthews

Thursday, June 24, 2004


I climbed a tree tonight. Jen sat below talking on her cell phone and looking up occasionally- Skeptical.
It had been so long.
The wide mango tree of 1985 was probably still in that yard, lonely. Its fallen fruit still wanted to be tossed at one of my friends. My friends wanted to dodge it, wanted to be covered in that sweet sticky sap. We wanted to hang from every bough. Normally it came with some effort.
Tonight the branches lifted me. The birds fluttered away. My body hung close to the trunk as my hands drifted searching for the next branch. Slowly I curved my way up and rested for a while as necessary.
Below started to fade into the same darkness that I couldn't see above me. The world was calling out and asking me to join it. I wished I could but I was committed to moving hand over hand towards the crown. Towards some accomplishment. The stars were filtering through the leaves. The breeze, at the top, hit me. It washed over and told me this was alright.
Jen was calling out. I looked down at the blackness I had left behind. She wanted to know if I was okay. I wasn't.